Forgive Me, My Love
by Arquellania
Summary: You can love many times. True love only comes once. And with that usually comes obsession. Georgina's POV, with minor Blair/Chuck


**Forgive Me, My Love**

**--**

**Summary:** I was completely convinced that we were meant to be, until someone intruded into our little world and changed everything.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl.

--

You probably don't remember it anymore, but I do. We were eleven, in the sixth grade. It was May twenty-ninth, about ten o' clock at night. We were at your belated birthday party.

You smiled at me, and I smiled back. It was innocent for a while, until you nearly yanked my arm out of its socket and led me to your bedroom.

It was weird for a bit; there were hands everywhere and your lips touching every part of me, but when all was said and done, I finally realized that things had changed.

You mentioned later that I had taken your innocence.

And contrary to popular belief, you had taken mine.

--

Things were simple for a while; we had never actually "dated" but we smiled when our eyes met and I would sometimes find a single rose in my locker, no note attached.

It was understood that you were no longer a virgin, and the other boys congratulated you, but I was completely disregarded. Most people thought that I hadn't been a virgin for a long while.

We were just kids. What we had done was completely beyond us; I couldn't understand it and I'm pretty sure you didn't either.

We just knew something happened, some rite of passage.

And that was all we needed to know.

--

Things went sour when I started to chase you. I left notes in your locker, asked friends to whisper things in your ear, and hoped that you would get the message.

But you completely ignored me. Your back was always turned towards me, and Blair Waldorf was always giving me a disapprovingly look over your shoulder.

So I decided that you had to hear it straight from me.

I stood in front of your suite door, and with one creak, I uttered three words that you didn't want to hear.

You glared at me for a few moments, with a face so angry that you could spit, and then slammed it in my face.

I felt horrible, but you didn't care. You were just appalled by the fact that I seemed to be in love with you.

That's when you started sleeping around. And I did too, finally fulfilling my reputation.

I tried to tell myself that it felt good, but it was an odd and empty feeling.

But whatever got me closer to you, even if it hurt me, it was something that I loved doing.

--

By the eighth grade I had tried nearly every drug known to man, had a horrible smoking habit, and smelled like Absolut as I walked through the Constance hallways.

You didn't look at me anymore.

I don't call what I had for you obsession; it was merely a love that was never returned, and although I didn't know it then, would never be returned.

You had hurt me. I just wanted you to know how much you had.

The only thing you loved back then was sex. And I tried to too, but all I could do was imagine that every guy was you.

And it worked for a little while, until I forgot how your touch, your kiss felt.

I only remember swallowing an entire bottle of Ativan, and the stomach pump.

Everyone heard about it. You didn't say anything but that I was 'a crazy fucking bitch.'

I disappeared after eighth grade graduation, and no one bothered to look for me.

It wasn't much of a loss.

--

When I was gone, I didn't do much.

My days were only filled with sex and drugs. The fast life.

I was pretty sure I had dozens of sex tapes by the time the year was over.

I knew I was never going back to Constance, but the fact that you were probably enjoying life and though nothing of me still killed me inside.

So I returned to the city, guns blazing. My parents were gone, as they always were, and I settled into their apartment again.

It was good to be home.

--

I only befriended Serena during her sophomore year and my slow demise. She was wild and crazy, and I respected that.

There are some things that happened that I even block out of my memory, either in disgust or embarrassment.

I didn't show my face in public much, unless it was a doctor's appointment to cure an acute case of syphilis.

I only lurked in the shadows, watching you.

You caught my eye every once in a while. You were the only person who saw me when no one else could.

I still found that magical.

--

When Serena left for boarding school, I disappeared yet again, part of me not wanting to be found out, and the other still wishing that you would care that I had gone.

But as per usual, no one went looking, and no one asked questions.

One day, when I was just sitting on a bench, someone approached me and asked me what was wrong.

I wish I knew.

I was just alone. I wanted someone to care. I wanted someone to love me.

But there was no one.

--

I came back to screw over Serena, though I'm not sure why.

I never did see you, but I knew you wanted to send me back to wherever I came from.

I still don't understand why you never gave us a chance.

I just wanted to love you, don't you see?

When Blair sent me off, she told me she was the 'crazy bitch around here.'

The one thing I've been trying to do all these years was to show people I wasn't crazy.

I had done the exact opposite.

--

I was watching from an alleyway when you told Blair you loved her.

Your fingers intertwined. You smiled and she smiled. Everything was okay in your little world.

I just want you to know, I'll always love you.

Forgive me, my love. I never meant to get in the way of what you truly wanted.

True love only comes first, after all.

And you will always be mine.

--

**Author's Note:** So, I hope everyone got that this was from Georgina's point of view.

Lack of CB? I know. xD

For some reason, I just wanted to psychoanalyze Georgie. It's fun.

Reviews, please! I know it's not a lot of CB, but I think it's more about G's obsession than anything. Thanks, Cass


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